Focusing on Marriage

Last week I blogged about the formation of a family, specifically my childhood family. Much of who I have become reflects my upbringing and the values my parents taught me. There are many external threats to marriages.  In my marriage class this week our focus was on the definition of marriage, specifically the legalization of same-sex marriage.  I am still forming my beliefs on this topic, so I am choosing to focus on what I do know.

I know that Satan is working on diminishing the meaning of marriage throughout the world. I believe that he is working hard within marriages of those who do choose to commit to each other.  President Nelson said, “There is great power in a strong partnership.” (Disciples of Christ; Defenders of Marriage, 2014). I believe Satan knows this and he works to break down that partnership. I have found the more I know myself and am confident in who I am the stronger I am as an individual and as a partner, and I can withstand Satan’s snares. I think it’s safe to say that if two people know who they are, what they stand for, and where they are going, then they are strong enough to overcome the tempters tactics together.

President Nelson continues in his speech mentioning that now is the time for us to “define our goals.” (Disciples of Christ; Defenders of Marriage, 2014). I know that when my husband and I decided we would marry and that it would be in the temple, it seemed that many hardships came up that left us both disappointed. For example, I hadn’t been paying my tithing and my bishop said that our planned date to marry was too soon. He wanted me to be able to be a full tithe payer for 6 months so that I could be better prepared to enter the temple. I can look back now and be ever so grateful for that experience, at the time it was hard! My husband and I were “ready” to get married at our set date. Having this experience really allowed me to “re-define my goals”. I wanted my husband and I to always be full tithe payers so that we could receive those blessings.

Satan is a master at weakening strong marriage partnerships with temptations such as pride, impatience, lack of communication, dishonesty, jealousy, hate, pornography and addiction. His tactics are endless.  Satan’s plan is to cause a couple or individual to doubt their goals and their strength together.

I have been able to recognize moments when my husband and I have lost focus or forgotten our goals.  It takes work to get back on track in our relationship. We have to intentionally bring Heavenly Father into our marriage and focus on who we are and our eternal goals. Focusing on our marriage is what allows us to realize our potential and Heavenly Father’s plan for us. We see where we are going and the blessings along the way.

REFERENCES

Nelson, Russell M. (2014, August 14). “Disciples of Christ-Defenders of Marriage”. Brigham Young University Commencement Speech.

Forming A Family

I am the oldest of three. My parents separated when I was 17, divorced when I was 18. My brother was 16, my sister almost 14 at the time. Both sets of grandparents also divorced while my parents were young. Almost all of my parents siblings (10 total siblings) are divorced or in a second or third marriage. Several of them also had children out of wedlock and or have cohabitated at some point in life. 

Do these statistic have an impact on the formation of a family? Do they affect the cognitive, social and emotional well being of the children involved?

A study, in 2005, by Paul Amato gives summary to the well being of children who come from both divorced and married parents. His study concludes that children who grow up in married parent families have a higher over all well being. Those who come from divorced parents tend to have problems academically and have a lower sense of well being, this tends to carry over into adulthood. At the time of our parents divorce did we experience any of this? Yes, it was hard and there were hard times. My brother dropped out of high school and  my sister formed a sense for rebellion. There were several tough years but I never would have catergorized us into this study. Looking back maybe we fit. Definitely not as adults though. All three of us married or have been with our first, and only spouse, for 17 years. Amatos' findings seem to fit 98% of my cousins, or my parent’s cousins, who have children born out of wed lock and been divorced.  Most of my cousins, who come from these situations, have gone through or followed the same pattern as their parents. It’s really interesting to me. I didn’t ever look at it like that or think that it was a cycle. I just thought bad choices, poor luck and being young factored into all of thier lives. 

What made the difference for my siblings and me? 

In thinking about why this was different for me, I thought of President Kimballs quote, "only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” While my parents eventually divorced, I grew up in a home that valued family time and loved each other very much. It was important to my parents to spend time with us, take us out on adventures and show love to us. My mom is not an active member and my dad is non-member but the importance of family was very prominent in my home. I knew my parents loved me and wanted the best for me. That love was never not felt, I knew I could lean on them. Now I don't want to say that my cousins didn't have this same sense of families in their home but I didn't live there and I just know what is true for me. I have and continue to value that in my family, the one my husband and I have created. We try our best to include gospel principles and to teach the value of family and the role the family plays in the plan Heavenly Father has in for all His children. 

Going back to my beginning questions; Do these statistic have an impact on the formation of a family? Do they affect the cognitive, social and emotional well being of the children involved? I would say for me, no. My generational statistics didn't affect me. What did impact my well being and growth was the sense of reliance I had in my family. I knew my siblings had my back. I knew my parents believed in me, they supported me. This impacted me, it helped me develop my sense of self worth. It was the things my parents taught me, the way they lived and created our family that affected me and the way I have chosen to form my family.