Maintaining a Marriage

In “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, Dr. John Gottman explains a love map as being, “intimately familiar with each other’s world. I call this having a richly detailed love map - my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life.” While reading Gottman’s work I was able to think about what my love map looks like and how it is serving my marriage. My thoughts went from our beginning years and how much attention we paid to each other and what I could remember us talking about that I kept stored on my map. There was information of memories of the past to sharing our future with each other. Many places on that map where we sketched in dreams for us and our family. Then I went to the hard times we have had and thought about what places I put on that map and what feelings were associated with those times. We have travelled through things I hadn’t imagined we’d go through and at times our map seemed creased and wrinkly but thankfully we still saw the destination and we continued. I was then able to visualize our map now and see places where we could fill in some more information and maybe update our map visually.

I know that because my husband and I both look up to one another and have a desire to lift one another up, that we have been able to keep our map intact. Despite folds and spills, we have both been able to take turns holding and reading the map and guiding the other along the way when we have been weak in spirit. We have allowed the challenges we have faced, and probably will face, to remind us we even have a map. It is a map we created, and we can continue to develop our map for us.

I know that as time passes the more, that this map will have to endure. I try to focus on the two people who created this map and I try to help both of us see our best selves so that we can understand our potential and see what Heavenly Father has in store for us. If I can focus on the positive qualities both my husband and I have that will help us nurture or fondness and love for one another. We can both be strengthened when we focus on this and allowing the Savior into our relationship.

REFERENCES

Gottman, John M. Ph.D, and Silver, Nan, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Wor,"  Harmony Books, 1999.