Physical Intimacy

Some ideas that stuck out to me this week:

 “As Latter-day Saints, most of the dialogue that we hear about sexual matters consists of two primary categories:
(1) The incessant chatter and noise of the world, Satan, and related sources that constantly hype and sensationalize sexual intimacy with distorted images of sensuality and misplaced or twisted values and expressions of sexuality.
(2) The powerful and compelling warnings of prophetic leaders and caring Church members who seek to steer us away from pornography, sexual exploitation, and immorality in sexual matters.”

 “Too often we listen only to the first two strands of the dialogue, and if we listen long enough, we may come to believe that the only kind of discussion about sexuality that is warranted is the dialogue about what Satan tempts us to do and what the Church teaches us not to do. Such a dialogue, however important, is not a recipe for fully understanding and creating sexual fulfillment as a married couple.”

Brotherson, S.E. (2003). "Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage."

This portion of Elder Brothersons’ talk stuck with me because I think lack of knowledge about sex and intimacy, is what leads many faithful, good people, who are just seeking answers, to misinformation and/or misconceptions about intimacy and I would bet also lead to pornography. 

These quotes and thoughts led me to the following quotes.

 “As couples learn to communicate about sexual intimacy, they must learn to become comfortable with the topic and expressing their feelings and thoughts in specific ways. This is something that does not happen immediately, but over time as a couple trusts each other and learns to talk about a subject that may have been glossed over quickly or left undiscussed previously.”
Brotherson, S.E. (2003). “Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage.”
Gottman recounts in his book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work:”
“So often when a husband and wife talk to each other about their sexual needs, their conversations are … indirect, imprecise, inconclusive. Frequently both partners are in a hurry to end the conversation, hopeful that they will miraculously understand each other's desires without much talk … The problem is that the less clear you are about what you do and don't want, the less likely you are to get it. Sex can be such a fun way to share with each other and deepen your sense of intimacy. But when communication is fraught with tension, then frustration and hurt feelings too often result” (1999, pp. 200-201).

I think that there isn’t enough forwardness on the topic of sex. It is something we are mostly avoidant of until it is time to marry then we are all of the sudden supposed to do and discuss openly and frequently. I do believe that it is a matter of becoming comfortable expressing yourself and asking questions and I think this should be done before marriage with trusted parents or adults. Discussing with your spouse may then not be so difficult if you have been able to begin these conversations with others. While some conversations are left only for your spouse others can be had with parents or trusted adults.